Amen.

Religion is such a hard subject for me to talk about.  Growing up in a euro-catholic house hold, I had one rack in my clothes closet that was specifically for my 'church outfits'.  I went to a catholic elementary school, and part of highschool (I realized that it was ok to have a voice, and decided to join the general public in school after the first 2 years of not evolving) went to church every sunday, and said my prayers before meals, and at bed time.  I couldn't pay attention in church because I was only 10 and hadn't a clue what the priest was talking about (what do you mean the guy next to me is my brother? he is older than my mother.. how could my mother have given birth to him?? haha). As I got older I grew to hate my mother for making me go, but still went, thinking of it as an opportunity for a nap. There came the time when I had enough of religion class and decided to move on to a place where things are 'normal'.  My parents argued it for months, leaving me in fits of tears and frustration.  Finally, after a long battle with convincing them with brochures and parent reviews, they said yes. 

     There was no excitement behind those godles forbidden walls.  I still made great friends, but learned exactly what I was learning in a catholic school, minus the religion.  I guess that is what I wanted, right?  Wrong.  I wanted to believe that people were different when they weren't from what I thought was an organized cult.  I thought they were nicer, stronger, unique, non-conformist individuals who knew what life was really all about.  Turns out they were just like me.  They did not want to be religious, but they all had a sense of spirituality.

I guess what I am trying to say is that I still believe that the Roman Catholic religion is an organized cult, it's what my foreign 80-year old grandmother practiced because it was all she knew(It made her feel like she led a clean life in the eyes of God, and that is okay if it worked for her).  We all believe in something. We all belong to some part of organization whether or not it is non-religious, that makes us feel like we are respected and whole some well-bred individuals. We all want to believe that there is something or someone out there that is taking the reigns in these hard times. That we can let go of the power when we are tired of having it. That is all we long for.  I am not by any means religious.  I no longer go to church, haven't in years,  and I don't read the bible and I certainly do NOT practice catholic traditions.  But do find myself talking to God, asking for help when I feel the need.  I want to tell the world my views on religion-- I think it SUCKS.  But I believe spirituality is the key to all good things.  You don't have to believe in God, but believe in something or someone. Believe that something or someone is watching over you when you are at your lowest. Something or someone loves you!

There is a season, turn..

I have been living my days as tediously as can be (subconsiously of course).  Nothing new is happening.. I get up and shower, tidy up my apartment, feed the cat, feed my hub, make dinner, go to work, and come home- all the while thinking about this blog!  I have really drawn blanks lately as to what to update!  I guess I have been feeling like I am incapable of being interesting 100% of the time, and I guess that's ok.  Apart from the fact that I won't be winning a bloggie award any time soon (no bitter feelings there),  I guess I am coming to the conclusion that I am not as complex as I thought I was, and it really bothers me!  I strive to have an interesting life, and I guess I am uncomfortable with being 'normal'.  I watch some great movies, try to be a part of community events, read books, listen to new music, and see research new and upcoming artists and designers- all the while wanting to write about it right here, right now..- yet i haven't.  Why? Besides being a little tired, I build myself up and become consumed with life, not realizing that we are all trying to get somewhere (where? I dunno) but we never stop to smell the roses..

I never stop to smell the roses, yet I wish there were more roses.  I admit to you, all of my friends that I have become boring! Yes boring! I never thought that would happen, but it won't last long I hope, and I guess the first step to change is recognizing the problem (I hate to get all AA on you, but the 12 steps really apply to life not just drinking).  I guess I can sum up all of this confetti in two words.... Bloody February.  I hope to god I see the light by March...